Holiday Cheer-ish

How to Procure and Put Up a Christmas Tree in 10 Angry Steps

If your marriage wasn’t teetering on divorce before you lost the remote for the Christmas tree lights, it is now

Photo by Cameron Stewart on Unsplash

The holidays are such a joyous time. If only we could recreate those magical childhood memories. Who could forget crying on the way to get the Christmas tree; or crying while fighting about which Christmas tree to pick; or crying attempting to get the Christmas tree home; or the most memorable — crying while putting up the Christmas tree.

You don’t need a YouTube video for this. Settle in with your diabetes inducing Starbucks peppermint mocha and peruse this guide for How to Procure and Put Up a Christmas Tree in 10 Angry Steps.

The Angry Steps

1. Real or artificial. Before the therapy inducing frivolity can begin, a fundamental debate must be settled — real or artificial. If you think Coke vs. Pepsi or red state vs. blue state debates are heated — they’ve got nothing on this one. If you’re lucky, the die has already been cast. Depending on where you live, maybe it’s always a real tree. Your Meemaw cut it down and drug it home, as her Meemaw had before her. If so, keep doing what you’re doing. If on the other hand, you…