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50 Things A 50-Year-Old Woman Should No Longer Care About

I’m 50, I’m over it and you should be too

Photo by Junseong Lee on Unsplash

I worry. A lot. It’s exhausting.

No need to remind you that we’ve all been through some things.

I’m over 50 now so I’m not doing it anymore. I’m out. I hope you’ll join me.

50 Things a 50-Year-Old Woman Should No Longer Care About

1. Laugh lines. Happiness and joy put them there. Leave them alone. Or get Botox.
2. Lines on your forehead. Do you want to look like an expression-less Barbie? If you must Botox — moderation is key here.
3. Whether to get Botox. If it makes you feel good, then do it. We love you as you are, but you do you. Just be sure to find a competent doctor that comes highly recommended, so you don’t look like The Joker.
4. Droopy breasts. If you have them, rejoice. They have made you feel attractive, attracted people, and possibly fed and nurtured children. If you don’t have them, see #5.
5. Small breasts. If you have them, rejoice. They aren’t drooping. They have made you feel attractive, attracted people, and possibly fed and nurtured children. If you don’t have them, see #4.
6. Stomachs. That hang over panties, bikini bottoms, or kitchen counters. We’ve spent at least one-third of our waking hours trying to flatten them, Spanx them, plead with them, and squeeze them into jeans that are two sizes too small. Leave them be.
7. C-section scars. Someone pulled a real life out of you while neatly stacking your internal organs on your stomach. Let’s recognize a miracle, people!
8. Lips. Leave them alone. You aren’t fooling anybody. We’ve seen your high school yearbook photo. Don’t go overboard.
9. Eyebrows. Are they supposed to be thin this year? Bushy? Microbladed? It’s too much to keep up with. Whether you’re Frida Kahlo or an alien from Star Trek, go with what God gave you.
10. You can’t eat dairy. You’ve tried. It doesn’t work. It’s oat milk for you.
11. What your parents think of you, your decisions, your life’s path, or your aimless children. Just be…